Suicidal Thoughts by Josh A Lyrics Meaning – Unpacking the Anguish Behind the Anthem of Desperation
Lyrics
I just wanna be able to close my eyes and feel alright
But every day I feel like dying
Every day I feel like dying
Why do I even try?
Why do I even write lyrics about how I’m living the life
When I’m battling pain and my demons at night?
Trying to find a new outlet
The devil pouncin’, I hear him howlin’, my vision cloudin’
Man, I tried to escape but there ain’t no way
Try to be strong when I deal with the pain, yeah
But I’m ditching the coffin, so my family has options
Gotta work ’til I’m dead so that they get the best
Don’t wanna set up a bad example
‘Cause the kids looking up can’t leave in shambles
Can’t make them think clocking out’s okay
So fuck suicide, I’m here to stay
Try to free my mind
I don’t know what’s right
Wasting all my time
Tryna find the light
Try to free my mind
I don’t know what’s right
Wasting all my time
Tryna find the light, no no
I’ll be out here runnin’, I’ll be runnin’ from myself now
Gunnin’ demons down, find my way out of this hell now
I’ll be runnin’ now, I’ll be runnin’ from myself now
Gunnin’ demons down, find my way out of this hell now
I’m not suicidal, I don’t wanna fucking die
I just wanna be able to close my eyes and feel alright
But every day I feel like dying
Every day I feel like dying
One too many bad thoughts inside me
Got a hole in my heart put the past behind me
I’m pressed with time, I’m stressed with life, my breath is ice
I guess I might just bottle it up some more just like always
Barely standing, crawling down the hallways
Sink into my bed, with death inside my head
Yeah, that note you found? I didn’t mean it
Just wish I had a better sense of meaning
Never meant to let you down, I’ve been down and out
Racing thoughts had to drown them out, fuck
Never giving in I swear to God
No matter how many times I prayed to a God I don’t believe in
Just to see if I will never wake up, but he called my bluff
Try to free my mind
I don’t know what’s right
Wasting all my time
Tryna find the light
Try to free my mind
I don’t know what’s right
Wasting all my time
Tryna find the light, no no
I’ll be out here runnin’, I’ll be runnin’ from myself now
Gunnin’ demons down, find my way out of this hell now
I’ll be runnin’ now, I’ll be runnin’ from myself now
Gunnin’ demons down, find my way out of this hell now
I’m not suicidal, I don’t wanna fucking die
I just wanna be able to close my eyes and feel alright
But every day I feel like dying
Every day I feel like dying
(I’m not suicidal, I don’t wanna fucking die)
(I just wanna be able to close my eyes and feel alright)
(But every day I feel like dying)
(Every day I feel like dying)
In an era where mental health crises are emerging from shadows, music has become an essential outlet for artists daring to unearth their deepest struggles. Josh A’s track ‘Suicidal Thoughts’ pierces through the noise of the genre with its raw emotional candor, challenging the listener to confront the realities of despair and hope interwoven into the fabric of human experience.
This emotionally tense track not only surfaces the personal battles of the artist but also extends its reach to resonate with the collective psyche of a generation grappling with the specter of depression. The lyricism of ‘Suicidal Thoughts’ crafts a microcosm of vulnerability that invites interpretation and warrants a deeper dive into its layered meaning.
The Visceral Clash Between Existence and Oblivion
At the heart of ‘Suicidal Thoughts’ lies a struggle as ancient as it is urgent—the tug-of-war between the will to live and the temptation of cessation. Josh A’s rhetorical ‘I’m not suicidal, I don’t wanna fucking die’ serves as a raw declaration, a mantra of self-preservation amidst an onslaught of psychological distress.
The repeated lines reflect an internal echo, one that reverberates with the ache of someone caught between the everyday wish for peace and the harrowing episodes that make ‘feeling alright’ seem like a distant mirage. These words aren’t just lyrics; they are the pulses of a heart in limbo, seeking clarity in a world that often blurs the lines between suffering and survival.
Finding the Light in Lyricism: The Quest for Outlet and Understanding
Josh A’s quest for an outlet is embodied in the very essence of his word craft. Creativity as a means of catharsis is laid bare, with lines like ‘Why do I even write lyrics about how I’m living the life’ pointing to the dichotomy between public perception and private turmoil.
This is the voice of an artist using the act of writing as a lifeline—a way to navigate through the nocturnal assaults of his demons. The raw poetry is a spotlight on the hidden corners of one’s psyche, illuminating the ceaseless search for the elusive solace of self-expression.
The Echo of Resolve: ‘I’m Here to Stay’
In a display of defiance against the void, ‘So fuck suicide, I’m here to stay’ rings out like a battle cry from the depths of despondency. Josh A transforms his pain into a statement of resilience, cementing his commitment to life not just for himself but as a beacon for those who look up to him.
The declaration is a pledge to future generations—a reassurance that despite the crushing weight of his own darkness, setting an example of perseverance is paramount. It’s a powerful reinforcement of purpose in a narrative often cloaked in despair, a memorable moment of uplift in the otherwise heavy-hearted chronicle.
A Heart-Wrenching Admission: The Note That Wasn’t a Goodbye
In perhaps one of the song’s most poignant admissions, the finding of a note reveals the brinkmanship with finality. ‘Yeah, that note you found? I didn’t mean it’ pulls back the curtain on the complexity of suicidal ideation—the often-misunderstood fluctuations between call for help and an actual desire to end one’s life.
Josh A embarks on a raw display of vulnerability, a confession that serves to dispel the myths surrounding suicidal thoughts. This line is a stark reminder that the struggle is ongoing, rife with moments of doubt and a yearning for meaning beyond the pain.
Metaphorical Run: The Never-ending Fight Against Inner Demons
Imagery of running and battling demons encapsulates the constant state of motion and combat that characterizes the struggle with mental illness. ‘I’ll be runnin’ from myself now, Gunnin’ demons down’ paints an image of an eternal chase, one where the individual is both the hunter and the hunted.
This metaphorical run isn’t just a lyrical choice; it’s a representation of the tireless effort to stay one step ahead of the darkness that looms. It is the soundtrack to a fight that may never end but is fought with the ferocity of someone who refuses to be consumed by the shadows.
