Ben’s My Friend by Sun Kil Moon Lyrics Meaning – A Lyrical Journey Through Modern Life’s Quiet Struggles
Lyrics
It’s been a pretty slow and uneventful summer
Went to visit a friend in Santa Fe
Went to New Orleans and went to see my family
Woke up this morning and it occurred
I needed one more track to finish up my record
I was feeling out of fuel and uninspired
Laid on my bed, too hung, a little down, a little tired
Met my girl and we walked down Union Street
I was scared and my head was in a bunch of places
Bought a 350 dollar pair of lampshades
And we ate at Perry’s and I ordered crab cakes
Blue crab cakes
Blue crab cakes
Blue crab cakes
She said I seemed distracted and asked what was going on with me
I said I can’t explain it it’s a middle age thing
She said okay and ate her eggs Benedict
And I looked at the walls cluttered with sports bar shit
Sports bar shit
Sports bar shit
Sports bar shit
Got on the phone and I called my mother
And called my father, talked a little bit with my sister
She’s got a new boyfriend, he’s a deer hunter
And she’s getting used to venison
And my dad’s still fighting with his girlfriend
About his flirting with the girls at Panera Bread
My mom is good but sounded out of breath
I worry so much about her, I worry to death
I worry to death
I worry about her to death
I worry to death
The other night I went and saw The Postal Service
Ben’s my friend but getting there was the worst
Trying to park and getting up the hill
And finding a spot amongst the drunk kids staring at their cells
Standing at the back with the crowd of eight thousand
I thought of Ben when I met him in 2000
At a festival in Spain
He was on the small stage then and I didn’t know his name
Now he’s singing at the Greek and he’s busting moves
And my legs were hurting and my feet were too
I called him after, said I’ll skip the backstage high five
But thanks for the nice music and all the exercise
And we laughed and it was alright
And we laughed and it was alright
And it was alright
There’s a (fine line) between a middle-aged guy with a backstage pass
And a guy with a gut hanging around like a jackass
Everybody there was twenty years younger than me
At least that this is not my fondest memory
I carried my legs back down the hillthen I gave
My backstage passes to two cute asian girls
I drove to my place near Tahoe
Got in my hot tub and thought well that’s how it goes
And it was quiet and I was listening to the crickets
And Ben’s still out there, selling lots of tickets
And though while we pretend that there’s a touch of competitiveness
But Ben’s my friend and I know he gets it
Then in a couple of days my meltdown passed
Back to the studio doing twelve hours shifts
Singing a song about one thing or another
Another day behind the microphone this summer
This tenderloin summer
This tenderloin summer
This tenderloin summer
The simplicity of Mark Kozelek’s lyricism as Sun Kil Moon often masks the profound undercurrents of ordinary life that his music masterfully encapsulates. ‘Ben’s My Friend’ is no exception. This track, closing Kozelek’s 2014 album ‘Benji,’ provides a narrative that is at once deeply personal and strikingly universal, a gentle musing on the passage of time, the complexities of personal relationships, and the persistent search for inspiration.
Detailing a series of seemingly mundane events—from a visit to the optometrist to attending a friend’s concert—Kozelek touches on themes of middle age, creative struggle, and friendship. Yet, beneath the day-to-day activities lie profound reflections on success, inadequacy, and the passage of time. Each verse unfurls layers of the singer’s psyche, inviting listeners to find reflections of their own lives within the honest storytelling.
Navigating the Seas of Nostalgia and Progress
Kozelek recounts with aching precision the way life can pull us into different places—geographically, emotionally, and socially. His trip to Santa Fe, his family visit in New Orleans, and talks with family members over the phone situate ‘Ben’s My Friend’ in a physical reality that is peppered with the bittersweet taste of nostalgia.
While the singer reflects on these slices of life, there’s an undeniable push towards progress. The looming deadline to finish his record represents the relentless march of time and the constant need for creation and reinvention that burdens artists. Each anecdotal vignette is not just a stop on a timeline, but a stepping-stone in an ongoing journey.
An Ode to Middle Age and Its Mundanities
When Kozelek sings about the $350 lampshades and his meal of blue crab cakes, it’s not just about indulgence, it’s a metaphor for the everyday decisions and distractions that come with middle age. These moments capture a life stage where the trivial can take on an outsized importance, masking an underlying search for meaning and longing for the past.
His interaction with his girlfriend at Perry’s further underlines the interpersonal disconnect that may come with aging. As Kozelek confesses his distraction, attributing it to ‘a middle age thing,’ he opens up a conversation about the internal struggles often dismissed or left unspoken among people as they grow older.
The Allure of The Ordinary: Unpacking the Song’s Hidden Meaning
Beneath the references to sports memorabilia and family updates lies a deep current of reflective self-assessment. While the track skilfully avoids overt sentimentality, ‘Ben’s My Friend’ throws into sharp relief the quietly devastating reality of concern—a mother’s health, a father’s romantic entanglements, the uneasy adaptation to venison by a deer-hunter loving sister.
It is in these moments of contemplation and conversation that Kozelek surfaces the hidden contours of anxiety and affection. The seemingly discrete updates converge into a collective storyline of connectivity and the human condition, fundamentally highlighting the universal struggle for understanding in the midst of life’s chaos.
Countering the Fame Game: The Postal Service Concert Revelation
The centerpiece of ‘Ben’s My Friend’ is Kozelek’s experience at The Postal Service’s concert, where the discomforts of aging bloom alongside a meditation on the shifting sands of success. A visit to see Ben Gibbard, the titular friend and frontman of The Postal Service, becomes a moment not just of social awkwardness but of stark self-realization.
The physical pain and logistical annoyance converge with a keen awareness of the generational gap, where Kozelek finds himself oscillating between the pride of an artist and the petty insecurities brought upon by witnessing a friend’s mainstream recognition. This dichotomy encapsulates the convoluted feelings that accompany watching peers navigate different paths in life.
Life’s Memorable Lines: Embracing the Joy and Heaviness of Existence
The song’s rich tapestry of images—Kozelek’s aching feet, the young audience obsessed with their phones, a coveted backstage pass willingly given away—channel the complexity of personal growth and friendship’s enduring nature. The concluding moments of the song resonate with healing laughter, strengthening the bond between Kozelek and his friend Ben.
As Sun Kil Moon closes with a return to the serenity of the Tahoe home and the sound of crickets, the poignant heaviness of ‘Ben’s My Friend’ transitions into a comfortable resolution. This lyrical journey through the summer encounters culminates in a profound acknowledgment that life, with all its trivialities and traumas, is a shared experience—one where even competitive undertones can’t obscure the genuine connections that tether us together.
