“Pretend My Pain Away” by Citizen Soldier

One of the most traumatic forms of abuse is that which is perpetrated from a parent towards his or her own offspring. There’s something about being a child that, if a parent or other such adult does something wicked to you, your mind will never forget it. And that is the basic concept upon which this song is speaking to.

The vocalist was the victim of child abuse in that his parents made him feel as if he “was never good enough”. His initial reaction was one of shame and sorrow. But now he has come to realize he doesn’t have anything to feel sorry for.

Or put otherwise, Jake has decided to no longer keep this pain buried, as if it doesn’t exist. He realizes that such a reaction is one of folly as once again, he cannot get those memories out of his head. So he’s acknowledging that yes, such and such did in fact happen, even at the hands of his own parents.

What the Vocalist can’t Pretend Away

And it is in the bridge where we are enlightened to what the vocalist no longer being willing to ‘pretend his pain away’ actually entails. That is to say that he basically proceeds to lambast his parents. Indeed the various things they had done to him are illustrated throughout the second verse and bridge. 

And without going into too much detail ourselves, let’s just say they made him feel like sh*t.  Furthermore, after doing so they never bothered to try to mitigate the situation, as in not caring about his feelings. So the vocalist grew up with a self-hatred complex. But now he’s making a conscientious effort to shed that burden by airing out his true feelings.

Relatedly, the narrator’s conclusive message to his abusers is that he’s not trying to blow up their spot or anything. After all, these are his parents whom he’s addressing. Rather he’s telling them not to hate on him for being unable to get over the past. And beyond that, he is entreating them to in fact believe that their actions have had a permanently-negative effect on his life.

Citizen Soldier and “Pretend My Pain Away”

Citizen Soldier is a band from Salt Lake City that has been in the game since 2017. According to their website they’re akin to activist musicians, i.e. tasking themselves with “honoring those who fight battles every day that others dismiss or judge them for”. And their main subject matter is that of mental health.

Citizen Soldier frontman Jake Segura wrote and produced “Pretend My Pain Away”, which was released on 2 February 2022.

As of the writing of this post, the members of Citizen Soldier, besides vocalist Jake Segura, are as follows:

• drummer Kyle Persell
• bassist Wonitta
• guitarist Matt Duffney
• guitarist Kooper Hanosky