If You Want To by beabadoobee Lyrics Meaning – Delving into the Battle with Insomnia and Inner Turmoil
Lyrics
Go ahead and try my head
Experience is nothing compared to
The sleep paralysis in my bed
If you wanna love me
Try to get inside my brain
Experience is nothing compared to
The nights I’m always up so late
Bed bugs in my mind
Keep them all alive
Insomnia creeps at night
Sleep paralysis ’til I die
Die
‘Cause if you want, you could stay with me in my bed
If you want to, only if you want to
If you want, you can go ahead and fix my head
If you want to, only if you want to
If you wanted to
If you try to
Wishing I still had my dreams
Late night started, take up space
‘Cause every time I try to remember
Lack of sleep takes half my brain
Bed bugs in my mind
Keep them all alive
Insomnia creeps at night
Sleep paralysis ’til I die
Die
‘Cause if you want, you could stay with me in my bed
If you want to, only if you want to
If you want, you can go ahead and fix my head
If you want to, only if you want to
Use some pesticides and throw it in my brain
If you want to, only if you want to
Bed bugs keep me up at night and I’m going insane
If they try to, only if they try to
If you wanted to
If you try to
‘Cause if you want, you could stay with me in my bed
If you want to, only if you want to
If you want, you can go ahead and fix my head
If you want to, only if you want to
Use some pesticides and throw it in my brain
If you want to, only if you want to
Bed bugs keep me up at night and I’m going insane
If they try to, only if they try to
beabadoobee, a moniker that rolls off the tongue with a dose of whimsy, belongs to Filipino-British indie sensation Bea Kristi. Her song ‘If You Want To’ is a sleepy lullaby woven with threads of angst and subtle cries for understanding. As we dissect this enigmatic piece, it’s evident that beabadoobee is not just speaking – she is reaching out from the depths of nocturnal battles and cognitive unrest.
The track, pulled from beabadoobee’s discography resembling a lo-fi dream, encapsulates the essence of restlessness, echoing an experience that many may find all too familiar. With poetic license in hand, she concocts a potent lyricism that engages with insomnia, mental health, headspace, and an implicit invitation to not just be an observer, but a healer.
Journey Through the Night: Insomnia as a Muse
beabadoobee taps into the pervasive disruption of peace known as insomnia. Through ‘If You Want To’, listeners are invited into a realm where sleep is but a fleeting visitor. The ‘bed bugs’ in her mind—a metaphor for racing thoughts or perhaps anxieties—keep a cruel vigil, fueling a state of constant wakefulness. This nocturnal critter symbolizes an all-too-relatable pestilence that burrows deep into one’s psyche, demanding to be addressed.
Not content with surface-level interpretation, beabadoobee challenges us to go beyond acknowledging the disorder, stimulating a deeper conversation about the mental state it reflects. ‘Sleep paralysis ’til I die’ – these piercing words lodge themselves embedded in our consciousness, demanding a recognition of the helplessness that plagues the nights of the afflicted. The ruthless cycle of mental overactivity and detachment from rest is nothing short of a nightly odyssey for some.
Decoding the Emotional SOS
Beyond the veil of its mellow tune and lighthearted delivery lies an earnest plea. ‘If you wanna love me / Try to get inside my brain’ suggests a deep yearning for empathy, for someone to truly attempt to understand the complex fabric of her thoughts and feelings. beabadoobee extends an invitation—a challenge of sorts—to step into the chaos that rattles the walls of her mind.
The song doesn’t just ask for presence; it asks for action. ‘Use some pesticides and throw it in my brain’ reads as a desperate call for relief. beabadoobee gives voice to a generation that is increasingly open about mental health struggles, embodying the wish for a cure, for someone who dares to wade through the turmoil in an effort to alleviate the pain.
The Intimacy of Mental Shared Space
What beabadoobee offers through ‘If You Want To’ is intimate, yet it is also strikingly generous. With her vulnerability on full display, she invites her listeners into a realm that is usually cloistered away. ‘If you want, you could stay with me in my bed’ isn’t just about physical closeness; it’s an offering of mental closeness, sharing a space that is often solitary in its suffering.
The repeated ‘If you want to, only if you want to’ serves as a litany of choice, emphasizing that any prospective comforter’s presence is conditional on their genuine desire to participate in this emotional communion. It’s a delicate balance between longing for help and respecting autonomy—an elegy that speaks to the heart of human connection.
The Haunting Echoes of Memorable Lyrics
Standout lines punctuate the hauntingly smooth melody of ‘If You Want To.’ When she sings ‘Lack of sleep takes half my brain’, it encapsulates the frustrating trade-off that tormented spirits make nightly. Her words articulate the erosion of clarity, the sacrifice of a sharp mind, and the persistent fog that clouds judgement.
In this way, beabadoobee transforms her song into a repository of memory and loss—each line a threadbare remnant of dreams abandoned at the altar of wakefulness. It is this, the arresting rawness within her lyrics, that endows the song with a staying power, ensuring that it lingers in the mind long after the melody fades.
Unearthing the Hidden Meanings Beneath the Melancholy
Much like an archaeologist brushing away the sands of time, uncovering ‘If You Want To’ reveals layers. The deceptive simplicity of beabadoobee’s craft allows the song to operate on numerous planes, from a simple tale of sleepless nights to a deeper narrative about the insecurities and tribulations of the human experience.
Further rumination on lines like ‘Wishing I still had my dreams’ can transport us into realms of lost hope and forsaken aspirations. The song, it seems, is as much about the palpable struggles with sleep as it is about the intangible yearnings that haunt our daily lives. beabadoobee has not just created a song; she’s penned an anthem for those whose internal battles often go unheard, cementing her place as a bard for the introspective soul.
