“Everything I Wanted” by Billie Eilish
The title of this song is actually sarcastic. It alludes to the fact that Billie Eilish has recently blown up, as in gotten ‘everything she wanted’. But by doing so, she has come to realization that the aforementioned fantasy is more tantamount to a “nightmare”. Put differently, amidst her success (or perhaps even as a result of it, the singer is still suffering from a considerable degree of depression. This sensation is so strong in fact that she fantasizes about taking her own life.
And the overall source of this emotion is something to the effect of her believing that no one actually cares for her. And this whole scenario is presented within the context of she coming to these conclusions via a dream.
But when she comes back to, she realizes that such is not truly the case. Rather there is one individual, the addressee, who is there for her through thick and thin. This person is presented as someone who has his own issues. So while acknowledging him as serving as a steady source of support, the singer is also operating along the lines of trying to make him understand his own self-worth and raise his confidence in the process.
And the song progresses based on such a premise. The singer is considerable pressured as a result of her celebrity. More specifically the actions of other individuals, as in the things they say, are having a negative emotional toll on her. But again, she can count on the addressee to hold her down. And it should be noted at this point that Eilish has identified the addressee as her big brother, singer/songwriter Finneas. It should also be stated that Finneas has been an ever-present part of her life and career.
And ultimately Billie concludes by questioning that if she knew she was going to go through such turmoil as a result of becoming famous, would she have still chosen such a path in life?
Two Primary Themes in “Everything I Wanted”
So there are two definitive themes that can be ascertained from “Everything I Wanted”. One is that being a successful singer has indeed been stressful on the young lady, specifically in terms of how negative criticism has affected her. And second is that through it all, she appreciates her brother for remaining a steady source of support and encouragement. Moreover considering that Finneas himself is a celebrity, this tune is intended to serve not only as a reflection of how she feels about him but also vice versa.
What Billie Eilish has said about “Everything I Wanted”
In an interview Eilish had with Annie Mac of BBC Radio 1, she confirmed the song pretty much centers on she and her older brother Finneas. According to Eilish, the song is a tribute to their “relationship as siblings”. In her eyes, she sees her brother (Finneas) as her best friend who will always have her back no matter what.
When did Billie Eilish release “Everything I Wanted”?
Billie (through Darkroom and Interscope Records) released this touching tune on November 14, 2019.
Billie wrote this heartfelt tune along with Finneas (who also took care of its production).
NOTE: In addition to co-writing and producing this tune, Finneas also sang the backing vocals.