“To Be A Man” by Dax

Dax, the Canadian rapper of Nigerian parentage, has remained persistent in the game despite still arguably being an underground artist. For example with a discography dating back to 2016, he didn’t get around to achieving his first hit until 2022’s “Dear Alcohol“. 

It also appears that he became a Columbia Records signee last year, with said label backing the release of “To Be a Man” on 14 April 2023.

So perhaps now, the 29-year old is on his way to achieving mainstream notoriety. But that said, we at Song Meanings + Facts have been up on Dax for a while and therefore know that he has a tendency to deal with more-serious subject matter than the average rapper. And so it is with this outing, as written by Dax and its producer, his regular collaborator, LexNour Beats.

The Lyrics of “To Be a Man”

Or more specifically, what the vocalist is speaking to is how challenging it is “to be a man”. For example, as put forth in the chorus, as an adult male no one is concerned about “what you know” or “how you feel”. 

Rather, as implied it is the bottom line, i.e. one’s ability to be a provider, which he is judged by. As such, manhood can prove “a lonely” endeavor from a sentimental standpoint.

So with such a notion as the premise, the vocalist proceeds to sympathize with his ilk. Take for instance the ending of the first verse, when Dax states that females, i.e. romantic interests or a wife even, only tend to stick around if a guy is able to consistently bring home the bacon. 

Or we can go back a little bit earlier in the passage, when he once implies that being subject to prevailing male ideologies means that you aren’t supposed to display emotions, nor should you be expecting any compassion in return.

“As a man, we gotta pave our way
Our only function is to work and slave
There’s no respect for you if you ain’t paid
You’re disregarded as a human and you can’t complain”

So the second verse initially steers the intended audience in a different direction, i.e. encouraging those who fall into this category to remain strong. Or more specifically, Dax argues that it is important not to give in to adult-male depression, since as fathers we are tasked with providing a better life for the sons who come after us. 

Amidst it all, he singles out veterans, apparently as examples of men who go through all types of “hell” primarily because they are male, if you will. And eventually, the rapper closes this segment out by stating that as a responsible man, you really shouldn’t expect to receive your flowers until you die. Or put otherwise, a man grinding and providing for loved ones, as presented, is a thankless job.

And it’s easy to presume that this whole tirade, if you will, may have been spurred by something going on in Dax’s personal life. But some of the sentiments expressed do reflect what many other men think also.  For instance, it is commonly understood that women tend to be more loyal if a man proves himself a breadwinner. 

And perhaps we can counter such an observation by making a statement such as romantic relationships having always possessed such undertones. But in doing so we would actually be reinforcing what Dax is trying to get at, that if for instance a man is dumped due to lack of income, these days he shouldn’t expect anyone to feel sorry for him.

“Can’t hide myself
I don’t expect you to understand
I just hope I can explain
What it’s like to be a man
It’s a lonely road
And they don’t care ’bout what you know
It’s not ’bout how you feel
But what you provide inside that home”

The Long and Short of “To Be a Man”

The narrator expresses empathy for fellow men experiencing loneliness and a lack of recognition, even as they give their utmost effort.

Do you agree with the points made in “To Be a Man”?

“My wife and kids left despite doing everything I could to provide for them. I served overseas for the US Army and it was the right thing to do, but indeed it came at a great cost. I’ve never cried to a song before, but this one line has me breaking down in a way that I can’t explain: ‘they go to war, get thrown on the shelf’.

It hits me hard because that’s exactly what it is. You give everything you have, put your life on the line, and then when you come back, you’re expected to just go back to your old life like nothing happened. It’s a lonely feeling, and “To Be A Man” couldn’t have captured it any better.”

– Mark Stone

“Thank you Dax! Finally there is a song that recognizes men. Listening to ‘To Be A Man’ brings tears to my eyes because it speaks to the struggles that so many men face. We know that they are being manipulated, and taunted, but they stay anyway. It’s not easy for them to admit that they are vulnerable or need help, but it’s important that they do. As a middle aged woman this song helps me to understand and appreciate what my husband went through, when he was still with us.”

– Margarete